It must be great to not believe in anything. You do whatever you want and never have to consider what your higher power thinks or wants you to do. You never think about the gifts God gave you. The ones He expects you to use for His further glorification.
If you don’t want to use a talent, you don’t. You quit when it gets too hard. Like I am, today, at this moment, thinking why don’t I just stop writing? It seems so pointless. I’m not getting anywhere with it. Am I writing for an audience of one? Of ten? Twenty? Is that God’s intention? Is that how He wants me to use the talent He gave me? Am I just caught up in the worldly? So concerned over who’s reading my work, whether I’m making any money at it (or losing money as is the current situation) that I forget my belief that this is what God gave me to do in this life? Write. Because if He didn’t, why do I do it? Why am I (at times) passionate about it?
Am I a success in God’s eyes?
I should stop thinking about what the world thinks and write what I’m inspired to write if I truly believe that inspiration comes from God. I Googled “quitting writing” and started reading about other writers who wanted to quit. Or did quit. I feel like someone who’s considering suicide and wants to be talked out of it. I say I’m not getting anything out of writing, but maybe that isn’t the point. It’s GOD who’s supposed to get something out of my writing. If I’m doing His work, the reward is for Him. Not for me. So I need to remove myself from the equation and keep my focus, not on worldly measures, but on what God sees.
Yes, I know I write romance novels, and maybe some would say, how does God inspire you to do that? The answer is, “I don’t know.” But I believe the themes of love, redemption, forgiveness, etc., come from Him.
A writer friend and I discussed why she hasn’t finished her book. It sounded to me like she sets up roadblocks for herself. Is it fear? Of failure? Of success? Then I have to look at myself. Dragging my feet on so many projects. And on so many business things I don’t want to do because I don’t enjoy them. I have to be fearless because if God is with me in this, and I believe He is, then I can’t be afraid of anything the world does or how it reacts.
There are so many “shoulds” put on authors. On all of us, really, if we’re pursuing something that may not have material gain. If we look unsuccessful in the eyes of the world. Spend any time on social media and it will be easy to convince yourself not only that you’re a loser, but that you’re doing everything wrong.
Writing may just be how God allows me to connect with other people for reasons I know nothing about.
I like to remind myself that eventually this life will end. How will God look at what I did with the gifts He gave me in this life? Did I use them to glorify myself? Or did I use them to glorify Him?
Some very good in depth thoughts, a good diversion for me,as i grieve the emtyness that A.J.’s death has left me with. Sometimes, God gives us a wake up call. Sometimes,we cannot define our gifts or why we are here. I think we have to follow ourinner thoughts. Keep writing Barb,it is a gift.
Char, I can’t imagine how hard losing A.J. was. I’m glad if my blog is a diversion from the grief. I can’t give up writing, but sometimes the progress feels painfully slow. Hugs to you.