A Lesson Learned

#postaweek2011

…write a short post about a mistake you made, or have read about, and a lesson you learned from it.

I have learned the hard way not to get attached to my children’s significant others.  Until I see an engagement ring on somebody’s finger, I keep my distance.  Sure it’s wonderful for all of us in the beginning, but look out.  It probably won’t last. Dating, going steady, even living together, doesn’t necessarily last, so I prepare myself for the bomb blast of the break-up.

In the past I developed relationships with my children’s significant others because it was almost impossible not to when they’re around constantly.  After a couple of years of including them in everyday meals, holiday gatherings and family celebrations, I got used to having them around.  It’s hard not to anticipate a future where they’ll be permanently included.  Until you find out they won’t be.

Some of those attachments have been easier to let go of than others.  A lot of it has to do with my child’s perception of the relationship and what role they played in the break-up.  Sometimes I can acknowledge it’s definitely for the best for both parties, even though there’s hurt involved.

There’s always the possibility they’ll get back together, so there’s another land mine to be aware of.  My initial warm fuzzy feelings about the significant other may have evaporated by then never to return.  Probably because I’m afraid my child will get hurt again.

Like a child of divorce, during one painful break-up, I wanted to  ask, “But what about me?”  I wasn’t aware of how attached I’d become to “the ex.”

I might put a toe in the water to test it the next time I meet their someone new, but I’ve learned not to jump in with both feet.